How to fix a car:

Ok everyone... or anyone who reads this thing...
I have an important news item to share:

Did you know

That people who drive cars,

Have to look both ways before crossing the street?

Otherwise- their car will end up like this:

Smooshed
Like...mine.

Ok- but in my defense, I really did look both ways..
Because I know that rule...I took driver's ed and everything, I promise!

But I guess I didn't look good enough because clearly...

There was someone else already trying to drive in the road.
Oops.

Life experience: Car Accident--CHECK

But anywho-the point is- my car just...
isn't the same.

See?
My door is about to fall off!
And also, the part that is supposed to go around my tire-
It's not doing that anymore..

So- I called my dad.
Dad's can fix anything.
Hearing my distress my dad jumped on a ferry and dashed to my rescue.
Er- well, my cars rescue anyways.
And my dad, being a dad and all- I figured he would bring all the correct tools to fix my car with.
But all he brought was...

A SLEDGEHAMMER!!!

Oh, and also- Duck tape.
And I'm thinking to myself....Duck tape?
This is a car dad!
You can't just tape it back together!
What's next, a glue stick?

So naturally...I was a little hesitant about his methods...

But he is a dad...

So--I put aside my reservations--

Slapped a piece of duck tape onto my dying door,

and took some notes.

Here are 3 simple steps to a better car:

Step one...

Find a sledgehammer.

You're Uncle probably has one.

Step two: Make an angry face

And try to lift the sledgehammer.

Then give the sledgehammer to your dad because that thing is heavy.

Step 3:

Jump on your car.

Like this.
If the car doesn't hit the tire when you jump...
YOU DID IT!

So..
I'm basically a mechanic now.

If you need any help with your car...
I will hit it with a hammer for you.

Oh and also...

As it turns out:

Duck tape--really does fix everything.

Even cars.

Work Vacation!

So...

My boss went on vacation.

I was really excited for the trip

I mean- being her assistant and all
I assumed that she would need me to drink cocktails with her on the beach...

So before our trip, my boss sat me down at work for a little vacation meeting.

She handed me a list--
I figured it was a list of things to pack

you know...

sunscreen
bathing suit

good books

fingernail clippers.

However,

None of those things were on my list
Do you know what was on my list?

A bunch of work stuff like...

work.

and stuff.
Naturally, I was confused

I mean...

She clearly handed me someone elses list.
I was about to point out the mistake

when she said

"well, see you in a week. Goodbye!"

A WEEK!

GOODBYE?

What was she going to do on vacation without me?

I mean...

Who was she going to drink cocktails with?

I quickly pulled myself together and attempted to play it cool as I waved her goodbye.
I stuffed my fully packed suitcase under my desk and slipped my sunglasses back into my purse.

I turned to Anne, my other boss--

And I noticed that she too was slipping her sunglasses back into her purse--
clearly, she was just as shocked as I was that she was not invited on the trip.
It was then that we realised...

With our boss gone... we didn't need to leave the office to go on vacation....

So, we mixed ourselves some cocktails...

Kicked up our feet.
And took a vacation right in the office!

Who needs to go to Mexico?

Not us.

We're too busy vacationing...at WORK!

(just don't tell my boss.)

PIE DAY!!!

Dear Blogspot.

I have a very important announcement.
Today is...

NATIONAL PIE DAY!!!

I am not making this up.

America loves pie so much that she decided that January 23rd should be observed in honor and celebration of this delicious dessert.

God bless America.
The land of pie.
I wouldn't be surprised if the president himself made a speech about pie this evening on the news.

This could quite possibly be my new favorite holiday.

Krista and I were eager to celebrate,
So we headed to the store in search of pie ingredients.
But as it turns out,
Safeway knew about the holiday and had pie already made for us!

Thanks Safeway!

After much deliberation
We chose our slices of pie.
Then we raced to the checkout stand to beat the rush of Pie buyers.
But oddly enough-
Krista and I were the only two people in Safeway buying Pie.
Weird.
Anyways. We hurried home and broke out the pie and ice cream!

As you can see...
We haven't been this excited since Christmas morning.

Everything was sunshine and rainbows until....

Krista pulled out her "pie".

Which is clearly Carrot Cake.

TRAITOR!

Needless to say, I was shocked and appalled by Krista's lack of participation in Pie day.

I openly showed my disapproval.
But then...
as it turns out,
Krista's carrot cake was AMAZING!

So...
I decided to stop being mad so that she would let me eat more of her cake.
I guess any dessert is worth celebrating.
But.
Stay with me here...
Today is January 23-
Lets try to remember the true meaning of this holiday...
PIE
HAPPY PIE DAY!

Flowers from Jesus

Guess what?
You're never going to believe this....

Jesus sent me FLOWERS!

Honest!

Flowers, sent from heaven, delivered straight to me!

I know what you're thinking

You're thinking....

" Jesus has a flower delivery service?"

I'm here to tell you that... Yes. Yes he does.
It's true.
I mean... would I lie about Jesus?

Ok, so here is my story...

I will start at the beginning....

Actually. Nevermind.

I'm not even sure where the beginning is-

I'll start somewhere in the middle of bitterness.

That's right.

Bitterness.

I'm not sure exactly when the bitterness started,

But somehow it snuck it's way into my heart and ate it all up.

Bitter about what you ask?

I'll tell you what.

LOVE!!!

I hate to bursts everyone's bubble but...

love isn't real
I found out the truth.

Love is like Santa Claus.

It only exists if you delude your mind to believe it does.
Now...I'm all about delusions...

But- only when I know I'm being deluded.
This love business waltzed right in and didn't even tell me it was for pretends.

So...obviously. I was a little bitter when I found love out.
At least Santa leaves you gifts...Love takes all you got and leaves you with nothing.

NOTHING!

So this bitterness thing...

It was kinda bringin' me down.

I couldn't even watch Disney movies anymore without yelling "LIAR!!" every time Prince Charming said something...if he even said anything at all.

Stupid Disney movies.

What a joke.

Happily ever after?

That's just one more unrealistic expectation to add to my list of disappointments of adulthood along with paying bills, and premature greying hair.

So anyways...
This bitterness thing was a problem.
Because I used to really love love.

And Disney movies...

And plus...I'm not even a bitter person!

But- it's not all that easy to just snap out of bitterness.

Especially when you've let it turn into numbness

And when I say you, I mean me.

This story is about me. Remember?

Being numb is really great for about 2 weeks.

Until you realize that you don't care about anything. Or anyone. You don't believe in anything, and life is covered in a foggy film that makes you feel like an outsider in a distopia novel. Everyone is falling in love and chasing their dreams- and you just shake your head at those poor fools and pour yourself another glass of wine.

And while the numbness prevents any feelings of pain or sadness

There is also no joy or happiness.

But

enough about this bitterness.

Let's talk about Jesus flower delivery service....

Named: Nicole.

Nicole, is a friend of mine from high school.
She recently moved to Seattle and joined my small group at church.
I picked this particular night to share my bitter feelings about "love" and how I didn't believe in it anymore.
I admitted that this was probably unhealthy-
though I was enjoying the safety net from feeling anything.
Nevertheless- I was cheating myself out of life.
Life is about love.
I needed a change of heart.
But it's not just that easy.
Because I had been trying to change my heart on my own- and I'll tell you what--
I couldn't.
So- I asked them to pray for my heart.
And that it would be changed.
And feel love again.

Now, Nicole had told me before group started that she had something for me in her car.
So afterwards I followed her out to the car where I was expecting some kind of homemade craft, or a sticker, or maybe even a tiara...
Actually- I'm not sure what I was expecting.

Anywho--

Nicole started rambling nervously about a surprise trip she took to PCC before small group. Without a shopping list or directions from her GPS- she wound up in the parking lot of PCC with some unexplainable feeling that there was something inside the store that she needed to get.

She hesitated to stop worried that the trip would make her late to church.

Nevertheless this feeling was so strong that she found herself wandering up to the doors of PCC without any idea what exactly she was doing there,

when suddenly she saw in front of her her purpose for stopping....

Flowers.

For Me.

She handed me a small bouquet flowers and assured me that they weren't from her.

They were from Jesus.

It was dark out- so I couldn't see the flowers right away, but I thought,

"huh. well, that's nice...I like flowers."

But then I looked at the flowers more closely and realized the miracle that had just happened. There before me were not just any old flowers,

These were my favorite flowers.

The very flowers that will be at my wedding.

The exact color and everything.

Suddenly I felt overwhelmed with emotion.

I couldn't believe it.

Jesus really did send me flowers!

These are the flowers I always look at every time I go to the store and contemplate buying but never do.
These are the flowers that I haven't even told anyone about.

This was my own little secret

Jesus knew.

He always knows.

Suddenly I was melting like a Popsicle on the fourth of July, holding back tears and weak in the knees.

Because...

Jesus really does love me

Love is real.

And way better than I thought it was.

All I needed were some flowers from Jesus to fill me with hope and love.

Laundromats 101

Dear neglected blog.

Good news...

I moved!
And you're never gonna believe this...

I live in a dollhouse.

In the magical neighborhood of Maple Leaf!

I even have my own personal reading room with a window seat and everything.

Ahhh...

My life is a fairytale....
almost.
There's really just one problem...

Apparently dollhouses don't come with a washer and dryer.

Which is totally bizarre.
I mean,

Come on.

Dolls need to wash their clothes too.

So anyways,

I've gotten around this whole laundry thing for about 2 months now...

but it was finally time

I was out of clothes to wear and re-wear and then wear again.

I had to go to....

The LAUNDROMAT!

Which...if you can't tell by my face- is scary.

I mean
We don't even know how to get there!
Or where one is!
Or how to get all our dirty laundry into my car!!

Plus. Did you know that it cost money to go to the laundromat?
I've been saving up quarters for forever now!
And then... I couldn't even figure out where to put them!
Sheesh.
Laundromats these days.
Super confusing!
Anywho.
After asking the laundry lady where to put my quarters
I selected the wrong stupid wash cycle...
Wasted all my quarters and all my clothes on the wrong wash!
There was nothing I could do!
Once the machine starts- you can't stop it.
My clothes were in deep danger of being heated into a size not even a doll could wear!

I needed some coffee to calm my nerves.
And like an answer to prayer- there was Starbucks.
Right next door!
Which made me forget all about my wrong cycle and focus on the important things in life- coffee.
And then I noticed something about Starbucks...
Starbucks is pretty much the only consistent thing in my life
Everything else changes,
But at Starbucks, I know exactly what to expect--slightly burnt coffee, jazz music, pumpkin scones, and Batista's in green aprons.
Ahhh...consistency.
It's good to know I can always count on Starbucks for a false sense of security.
After restoring my sanity-
I ventured back to the laundromat to take on the dryers.

This proved to be character building.

Lesson: patience.

I waited.

And Waited

And waited!!

For like...12 minutes!

Ok so--
the one good thing was that the dryers were on steroids.

But get this.
This is the worst part....

The clothes don't even come out folded...
you have to do it yourself!
What am I even paying for here!

RIP OFF

So...to all you readers out there with a laundry machine in your very own home...

Remember to show your washer a little love.

And if you don't...
I'd be more than happy to.

Water

Water.
Has many magical properties.
It's a drink when your thirsty,
A cool place when your hot,
A shower when your dirty,
And a friend when you're lonely.

I went to the lake feeling like this...

Sad and lonely.

But by the time I left...

The world seemed magical and full of possibilities.
As the sun slipped from view- so did my sadness.
I was left with the peace of the still waters and the glowing moon.

Water.
The solution to all problems.

Last day of summer

I have some sad news everyone...

Summer is over.

Just like that.

It was here yesterday, and when I woke up this morning it was gone.

Good news is...

I knew about summers last day ahead of time

So I was ready.

I called up my friends and told them we had an emergency.

Summer magic is almost gone!

We need to soak in as much as we can.

So we found the nearest lake and jumped in- because lakes as you know- are one of the best places to find summer magic.

I will tell you why...

Because the lake spends all summer soaking in the suns radiant beams of light until its waters are filled with the enchantment of summers magic

Which is why on the last day of summer- the water is the most magical

After a few jumps in the lake-- we could feel summer's magic sinking into our skin.

In sank into our veins and filled our hearts and before we knew it...

We were flying.

Magic.