Flowers from Jesus

Guess what?
You're never going to believe this....

Jesus sent me FLOWERS!

Honest!

Flowers, sent from heaven, delivered straight to me!

I know what you're thinking

You're thinking....

" Jesus has a flower delivery service?"

I'm here to tell you that... Yes. Yes he does.
It's true.
I mean... would I lie about Jesus?

Ok, so here is my story...

I will start at the beginning....

Actually. Nevermind.

I'm not even sure where the beginning is-

I'll start somewhere in the middle of bitterness.

That's right.

Bitterness.

I'm not sure exactly when the bitterness started,

But somehow it snuck it's way into my heart and ate it all up.

Bitter about what you ask?

I'll tell you what.

LOVE!!!

I hate to bursts everyone's bubble but...

love isn't real
I found out the truth.

Love is like Santa Claus.

It only exists if you delude your mind to believe it does.
Now...I'm all about delusions...

But- only when I know I'm being deluded.
This love business waltzed right in and didn't even tell me it was for pretends.

So...obviously. I was a little bitter when I found love out.
At least Santa leaves you gifts...Love takes all you got and leaves you with nothing.

NOTHING!

So this bitterness thing...

It was kinda bringin' me down.

I couldn't even watch Disney movies anymore without yelling "LIAR!!" every time Prince Charming said something...if he even said anything at all.

Stupid Disney movies.

What a joke.

Happily ever after?

That's just one more unrealistic expectation to add to my list of disappointments of adulthood along with paying bills, and premature greying hair.

So anyways...
This bitterness thing was a problem.
Because I used to really love love.

And Disney movies...

And plus...I'm not even a bitter person!

But- it's not all that easy to just snap out of bitterness.

Especially when you've let it turn into numbness

And when I say you, I mean me.

This story is about me. Remember?

Being numb is really great for about 2 weeks.

Until you realize that you don't care about anything. Or anyone. You don't believe in anything, and life is covered in a foggy film that makes you feel like an outsider in a distopia novel. Everyone is falling in love and chasing their dreams- and you just shake your head at those poor fools and pour yourself another glass of wine.

And while the numbness prevents any feelings of pain or sadness

There is also no joy or happiness.

But

enough about this bitterness.

Let's talk about Jesus flower delivery service....

Named: Nicole.

Nicole, is a friend of mine from high school.
She recently moved to Seattle and joined my small group at church.
I picked this particular night to share my bitter feelings about "love" and how I didn't believe in it anymore.
I admitted that this was probably unhealthy-
though I was enjoying the safety net from feeling anything.
Nevertheless- I was cheating myself out of life.
Life is about love.
I needed a change of heart.
But it's not just that easy.
Because I had been trying to change my heart on my own- and I'll tell you what--
I couldn't.
So- I asked them to pray for my heart.
And that it would be changed.
And feel love again.

Now, Nicole had told me before group started that she had something for me in her car.
So afterwards I followed her out to the car where I was expecting some kind of homemade craft, or a sticker, or maybe even a tiara...
Actually- I'm not sure what I was expecting.

Anywho--

Nicole started rambling nervously about a surprise trip she took to PCC before small group. Without a shopping list or directions from her GPS- she wound up in the parking lot of PCC with some unexplainable feeling that there was something inside the store that she needed to get.

She hesitated to stop worried that the trip would make her late to church.

Nevertheless this feeling was so strong that she found herself wandering up to the doors of PCC without any idea what exactly she was doing there,

when suddenly she saw in front of her her purpose for stopping....

Flowers.

For Me.

She handed me a small bouquet flowers and assured me that they weren't from her.

They were from Jesus.

It was dark out- so I couldn't see the flowers right away, but I thought,

"huh. well, that's nice...I like flowers."

But then I looked at the flowers more closely and realized the miracle that had just happened. There before me were not just any old flowers,

These were my favorite flowers.

The very flowers that will be at my wedding.

The exact color and everything.

Suddenly I felt overwhelmed with emotion.

I couldn't believe it.

Jesus really did send me flowers!

These are the flowers I always look at every time I go to the store and contemplate buying but never do.
These are the flowers that I haven't even told anyone about.

This was my own little secret

Jesus knew.

He always knows.

Suddenly I was melting like a Popsicle on the fourth of July, holding back tears and weak in the knees.

Because...

Jesus really does love me

Love is real.

And way better than I thought it was.

All I needed were some flowers from Jesus to fill me with hope and love.