How to fix a car:

Ok everyone... or anyone who reads this thing...
I have an important news item to share:

Did you know

That people who drive cars,

Have to look both ways before crossing the street?

Otherwise- their car will end up like this:

Smooshed
Like...mine.

Ok- but in my defense, I really did look both ways..
Because I know that rule...I took driver's ed and everything, I promise!

But I guess I didn't look good enough because clearly...

There was someone else already trying to drive in the road.
Oops.

Life experience: Car Accident--CHECK

But anywho-the point is- my car just...
isn't the same.

See?
My door is about to fall off!
And also, the part that is supposed to go around my tire-
It's not doing that anymore..

So- I called my dad.
Dad's can fix anything.
Hearing my distress my dad jumped on a ferry and dashed to my rescue.
Er- well, my cars rescue anyways.
And my dad, being a dad and all- I figured he would bring all the correct tools to fix my car with.
But all he brought was...

A SLEDGEHAMMER!!!

Oh, and also- Duck tape.
And I'm thinking to myself....Duck tape?
This is a car dad!
You can't just tape it back together!
What's next, a glue stick?

So naturally...I was a little hesitant about his methods...

But he is a dad...

So--I put aside my reservations--

Slapped a piece of duck tape onto my dying door,

and took some notes.

Here are 3 simple steps to a better car:

Step one...

Find a sledgehammer.

You're Uncle probably has one.

Step two: Make an angry face

And try to lift the sledgehammer.

Then give the sledgehammer to your dad because that thing is heavy.

Step 3:

Jump on your car.

Like this.
If the car doesn't hit the tire when you jump...
YOU DID IT!

So..
I'm basically a mechanic now.

If you need any help with your car...
I will hit it with a hammer for you.

Oh and also...

As it turns out:

Duck tape--really does fix everything.

Even cars.

Work Vacation!

So...

My boss went on vacation.

I was really excited for the trip

I mean- being her assistant and all
I assumed that she would need me to drink cocktails with her on the beach...

So before our trip, my boss sat me down at work for a little vacation meeting.

She handed me a list--
I figured it was a list of things to pack

you know...

sunscreen
bathing suit

good books

fingernail clippers.

However,

None of those things were on my list
Do you know what was on my list?

A bunch of work stuff like...

work.

and stuff.
Naturally, I was confused

I mean...

She clearly handed me someone elses list.
I was about to point out the mistake

when she said

"well, see you in a week. Goodbye!"

A WEEK!

GOODBYE?

What was she going to do on vacation without me?

I mean...

Who was she going to drink cocktails with?

I quickly pulled myself together and attempted to play it cool as I waved her goodbye.
I stuffed my fully packed suitcase under my desk and slipped my sunglasses back into my purse.

I turned to Anne, my other boss--

And I noticed that she too was slipping her sunglasses back into her purse--
clearly, she was just as shocked as I was that she was not invited on the trip.
It was then that we realised...

With our boss gone... we didn't need to leave the office to go on vacation....

So, we mixed ourselves some cocktails...

Kicked up our feet.
And took a vacation right in the office!

Who needs to go to Mexico?

Not us.

We're too busy vacationing...at WORK!

(just don't tell my boss.)

PIE DAY!!!

Dear Blogspot.

I have a very important announcement.
Today is...

NATIONAL PIE DAY!!!

I am not making this up.

America loves pie so much that she decided that January 23rd should be observed in honor and celebration of this delicious dessert.

God bless America.
The land of pie.
I wouldn't be surprised if the president himself made a speech about pie this evening on the news.

This could quite possibly be my new favorite holiday.

Krista and I were eager to celebrate,
So we headed to the store in search of pie ingredients.
But as it turns out,
Safeway knew about the holiday and had pie already made for us!

Thanks Safeway!

After much deliberation
We chose our slices of pie.
Then we raced to the checkout stand to beat the rush of Pie buyers.
But oddly enough-
Krista and I were the only two people in Safeway buying Pie.
Weird.
Anyways. We hurried home and broke out the pie and ice cream!

As you can see...
We haven't been this excited since Christmas morning.

Everything was sunshine and rainbows until....

Krista pulled out her "pie".

Which is clearly Carrot Cake.

TRAITOR!

Needless to say, I was shocked and appalled by Krista's lack of participation in Pie day.

I openly showed my disapproval.
But then...
as it turns out,
Krista's carrot cake was AMAZING!

So...
I decided to stop being mad so that she would let me eat more of her cake.
I guess any dessert is worth celebrating.
But.
Stay with me here...
Today is January 23-
Lets try to remember the true meaning of this holiday...
PIE
HAPPY PIE DAY!